Post by Chips on Jul 7, 2012 12:50:09 GMT 9.5
Where has all our innocence gone:
While I sat in the reception area
of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man
in a wheelchair into the room. As she went
to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone
and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make
small talk with him, a little boy slipped off
his mother's lap and walked over to
the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the
man's, he said, 'I know how you feel. My
mom makes me ride in the stroller too.'
*****
As I was nursing
my baby, my cousin's six-year-old
daughter, Krissy, came into the room.
Never having seen anyone breast feed
before, she was intrigued and full of all
kinds of questions about what I was doing.
After mulling over my answers, she remarked, 'My mom
has some of those, but I don't think she knows
how to use them.'
*****
Out bicycling
one day with my eight-year-old
granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little
wistful. 'In ten years,' I said, 'you'll want
to be with your friends and you won't go
walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do
now. Carolyn shrugged. 'In ten years you'll be
too old to do all those things anyway.'
******
Working as a pediatric
nurse, I had the difficult assignment
of giving immunization shots to children.
One day, I entered the examining room to give
four-year-old Lizzie her needle. 'No, no, no!' she
screamed. 'Lizzie,' scolded her mother, 'that's
not polite behavior.' With that, the girl
yelled even louder, 'No, thank you! No, thank
you!
******
On the way back from a Cub
Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son,
'Dad, I know babies come from mommies' tummies, but
how do they get there in the first place?' After my
son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally
spoke up in disgust, 'You don't have to make
up something, Dad. It's okay if you don't
know the answer..'
*****
Just before I
was deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old
son down and broke the news to him.. 'I'm
going to be away for a long time,' I told
him. 'I'm going to Iraq .' 'Why?' he
asked. 'Don't you know there's a war going
on over there?'
*****
Paul Newman
founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for
children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood
diseases. One afternoon, he and is wife,
Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with
the kids. A counselor at a nearby
table, suspecting the young patients
wouldn't know Newman was a famous movie star,
explained, 'That's the man who made this camp
possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on
his salad dressing bottle?' Blank
stares. 'Well, you've probably seen his face on
his lemonade carton.' An eight-year-old girl
perked up. 'How long was he missing?'
*****
MY FAVORITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God's Problem Now.
His wife's graveside
service was just barely finished, when there was
a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous
bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder
rumbling in the distance. The little, old man
looked at the pastor and calmly said,
'Well, she's there.
___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___
Nine:
I was meeting a friend in a bar and as I went in, I noticed two pretty
girls looking at me "Nine," I heard one whisper as I passed. Feeling
pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl had
just rated me a nine out of ten.
"I don't want to ruin it for you," he said, "but when I walked in, they
were speaking German."
___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___
Medical examination:
While examining his lady patient, the doctor tells her: "Your heart,
lungs, pulse & BP are fine. Now let me see that little thing which gets you
ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady started taking off her clothes.....
Doctor, stopping her: "No! No! Please put on your clothes. Just show me
your tongue."
___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___
BEARDS:
The following link will take you to a Latvian newspaper which has published
images of the winners in the Los Angeles beard and mustache competition.
After the first image go forward or back for the rest. Do these blokes have
an inferiority complex ?
Click here
___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___
French Night Club Act:
This is well worth a look-see. Another terrific performance at this French
venue! Enjoy!
Click here
___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___
Northern territory:
I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car in Sydney that read
'I miss Alice Springs'.
So I broke the windows, took the wireless and left half a dozen empty VB
tinnies on the front seat with a note that read,
'I hope this helps'
___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___
One last kiss:
Click here
___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___
Requesting a small favour:
Dear friends
There are less than 18 months until election day when the people will
decide who will be the next prime minister of Australia.
The person elected will be the prime minister for all Australians, not just
the Liberal or Labor voters. Its time that we all need to come together,
Liberals and Laborites alike, in a bi-partisan effort for
Australia.
If you will support Tony Abbot, please drive with your headlights ON during
the day.
If you support Julia Gillard, please drive with your headlights OFF at
night.
Together, we can make it happen.
Thank you!
A concerned Australian Voter
While I sat in the reception area
of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man
in a wheelchair into the room. As she went
to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone
and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make
small talk with him, a little boy slipped off
his mother's lap and walked over to
the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the
man's, he said, 'I know how you feel. My
mom makes me ride in the stroller too.'
*****
As I was nursing
my baby, my cousin's six-year-old
daughter, Krissy, came into the room.
Never having seen anyone breast feed
before, she was intrigued and full of all
kinds of questions about what I was doing.
After mulling over my answers, she remarked, 'My mom
has some of those, but I don't think she knows
how to use them.'
*****
Out bicycling
one day with my eight-year-old
granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little
wistful. 'In ten years,' I said, 'you'll want
to be with your friends and you won't go
walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do
now. Carolyn shrugged. 'In ten years you'll be
too old to do all those things anyway.'
******
Working as a pediatric
nurse, I had the difficult assignment
of giving immunization shots to children.
One day, I entered the examining room to give
four-year-old Lizzie her needle. 'No, no, no!' she
screamed. 'Lizzie,' scolded her mother, 'that's
not polite behavior.' With that, the girl
yelled even louder, 'No, thank you! No, thank
you!
******
On the way back from a Cub
Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son,
'Dad, I know babies come from mommies' tummies, but
how do they get there in the first place?' After my
son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally
spoke up in disgust, 'You don't have to make
up something, Dad. It's okay if you don't
know the answer..'
*****
Just before I
was deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old
son down and broke the news to him.. 'I'm
going to be away for a long time,' I told
him. 'I'm going to Iraq .' 'Why?' he
asked. 'Don't you know there's a war going
on over there?'
*****
Paul Newman
founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for
children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood
diseases. One afternoon, he and is wife,
Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with
the kids. A counselor at a nearby
table, suspecting the young patients
wouldn't know Newman was a famous movie star,
explained, 'That's the man who made this camp
possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on
his salad dressing bottle?' Blank
stares. 'Well, you've probably seen his face on
his lemonade carton.' An eight-year-old girl
perked up. 'How long was he missing?'
*****
MY FAVORITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God's Problem Now.
His wife's graveside
service was just barely finished, when there was
a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous
bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder
rumbling in the distance. The little, old man
looked at the pastor and calmly said,
'Well, she's there.
___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___
Nine:
I was meeting a friend in a bar and as I went in, I noticed two pretty
girls looking at me "Nine," I heard one whisper as I passed. Feeling
pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl had
just rated me a nine out of ten.
"I don't want to ruin it for you," he said, "but when I walked in, they
were speaking German."
___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___
Medical examination:
While examining his lady patient, the doctor tells her: "Your heart,
lungs, pulse & BP are fine. Now let me see that little thing which gets you
ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady started taking off her clothes.....
Doctor, stopping her: "No! No! Please put on your clothes. Just show me
your tongue."
___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___
BEARDS:
The following link will take you to a Latvian newspaper which has published
images of the winners in the Los Angeles beard and mustache competition.
After the first image go forward or back for the rest. Do these blokes have
an inferiority complex ?
Click here
___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___
French Night Club Act:
This is well worth a look-see. Another terrific performance at this French
venue! Enjoy!
Click here
___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___
Northern territory:
I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car in Sydney that read
'I miss Alice Springs'.
So I broke the windows, took the wireless and left half a dozen empty VB
tinnies on the front seat with a note that read,
'I hope this helps'
___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___
One last kiss:
Click here
___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___
Requesting a small favour:
Dear friends
There are less than 18 months until election day when the people will
decide who will be the next prime minister of Australia.
The person elected will be the prime minister for all Australians, not just
the Liberal or Labor voters. Its time that we all need to come together,
Liberals and Laborites alike, in a bi-partisan effort for
Australia.
If you will support Tony Abbot, please drive with your headlights ON during
the day.
If you support Julia Gillard, please drive with your headlights OFF at
night.
Together, we can make it happen.
Thank you!
A concerned Australian Voter