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Post by gypho on Sept 19, 2008 21:09:58 GMT 9.5
Today is my mom's and my third anniversary.... of the day she received the letter I wrote, asking for information about her. This whole month is special because of several different dates scattered throughout... and it doesn't end in September, it stretches all the way through November... October is especially special because I also gained a trusted friend who supported me through all of the "egg-shell stepping" I was doing then... trying not to offend anyone (in the family I didn't even know I had!) with my excitedness... trying to rein myself in... and the support I received was TREMENDOUS. For that, I will be eternally grateful... even my own husband was skeptical and refused to be happy for me.... he was too busy being scared for me. But it's the support I needed... and got.... and will NEVER forget. Also in October, I heard my mother's voice for the first time (birth not included, LOL)... I found out that I was not alone in this world. I found siblings that wanted me and loved me, even before they knew me. In November... I MET my mother for the first time, and all but one of my siblings. So if I tend to get emotional... ya'll just pardon me, please. This time of year.... does something to me. Every year.
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Post by clifftimmons on Sept 19, 2008 21:39:11 GMT 9.5
Not to take away from a beautiful story but.....
How do women remember dates and anniversirys like that? I'm luck to remember my wife's birthday and our anniversery.
I remember an event that happened as "a couple years ago." If I'm lucky, I'll remember, "about 3 hunting seasons ago,....."
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Post by Epi on Sept 19, 2008 21:48:00 GMT 9.5
You really need to ask?
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Post by gypho on Sept 19, 2008 21:49:56 GMT 9.5
Where's that danged pillow with the bricks??? Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh.......
I have a male friend who remembers EVERYTHING.... and NO, he isn't "gay".... *rolls eyes*
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Post by zonked on Sept 20, 2008 8:58:27 GMT 9.5
You had to open your mouth, didn't ya Cliff!!!!
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Post by Chips on Sept 21, 2008 20:51:40 GMT 9.5
I have to confess... I'm the same as Cliff.
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Post by gypho on Sept 22, 2008 10:14:38 GMT 9.5
GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESH..........men. *rolls eyes*
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Post by Ruprecht on Sept 23, 2008 0:08:25 GMT 9.5
Congrats on getting 3 years on down the road.
Your friend sounds like someone you needed and was there for you.
Ruprecht
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Post by gypho on Sept 23, 2008 11:36:57 GMT 9.5
Absolutely was and is. Thank you, Ruprecht.
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Post by gypho on Sept 24, 2008 2:44:02 GMT 9.5
Ever notice how some days are worse than others? With emotions, you can never tell, and when I experienced these for the first time, it was like a roller-coaster.
Today, it's like it's happening all over again. Man, what a ride....
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Post by wvpeach1963 on Sept 24, 2008 3:12:13 GMT 9.5
That is touching Kim, to have found what you had longed for for all those years was wonderful I am sure. But unfortunately even beautiful and wonderful things can extract a toll on us in ways we never expect. Ignore these men and write what is in your heart. I am glad you got to meet your mother before her death. It was her you spoke about dying earlier this year , was it not? I am so sorry you lost her that quickly after finally finding her. How did you find her by the way? Today is my mom's and my third anniversary.... of the day she received the letter I wrote, asking for information about her. This whole month is special because of several different dates scattered throughout... and it doesn't end in September, it stretches all the way through November... October is especially special because I also gained a trusted friend who supported me through all of the "egg-shell stepping" I was doing then... trying not to offend anyone (in the family I didn't even know I had!) with my excitedness... trying to rein myself in... and the support I received was TREMENDOUS. For that, I will be eternally grateful... even my own husband was skeptical and refused to be happy for me.... he was too busy being scared for me. But it's the support I needed... and got.... and will NEVER forget. Also in October, I heard my mother's voice for the first time (birth not included, LOL)... I found out that I was not alone in this world. I found siblings that wanted me and loved me, even before they knew me. In November... I MET my mother for the first time, and all but one of my siblings. So if I tend to get emotional... ya'll just pardon me, please. This time of year.... does something to me. Every year.
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Post by gypho on Sept 24, 2008 4:42:45 GMT 9.5
That is touching Kim, to have found what you had longed for for all those years was wonderful I am sure. But unfortunately even beautiful and wonderful things can extract a toll on us in ways we never expect. Ignore these men and write what is in your heart. I am glad you got to meet your mother before her death. It was her you spoke about dying earlier this year , was it not? I am so sorry you lost her that quickly after finally finding her. How did you find her by the way? Actually no... they are two different women that you're thinking of, but thank you. The one that is [still] dying is still "hanging on"... as I stated before, her liver is shot - HepC - and multiple other problems, including having an aneurysm explode behind one of her eyes, causing partial (only that eye) blindness. But she's still hangin' on... that's my adoptive mother. My birth mother is the one I'm speaking of now. She and I are as much alike as water and wet. LOL She calls me her "clone"... I can't believe it took me so long to find her. I found her on the internet - or rather, I found addresses to family members, wrote ACTUAL letters, and then mailed them.... less than a month later, she called me to be the first to wish me a Happy Birthday. Since then.... we've established the bond that was never truly broken at birth. It's been AMAZING in a way I can't describe. If you've never had to wonder who your mom is, you simply can't understand it. Even my kids don't know this feeling, thankfully. And to have a support person there for me was the single most identifiable reason for me pushing forward the way I did, because my husband "wanted no part of it"... like I said, he was too busy worrying about me getting hurt AGAIN. It's been a long three years, and a short three years, and I pray for more time - MORE TIME - with all the loved ones I've gained recently, in the years to come. Just more time is all I want.
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Post by wvpeach1963 on Sept 24, 2008 20:28:29 GMT 9.5
That is great . I am glad your mothers are still alive.
Sorry for thinking they had died. Glad I was wrong.
Wanting more time is a wonderful thing Kim . THat shows your not taking for granted the joys in your life. THat in itself is a blessing. So many people don't appreciate what they have until they loose it. THe fact you are actively asking for more time, shows a appreciation of what you have and I believe God himself appreciates it when his children are thankful for the blessings he has given us.
Enjoy your mothers............ Both of them.
And now I know somebody else knows what I mean when I say I have two sets of parents. I do too. My father was a Marine and as he traveled around from base to base and station to station I would often get left behind to finish a year of school with my great uncle and aunt. THey loved me and became in some ways more my parents than my biological parents were.
I love both sets , but boy over the years it has caused some problems. Loyalties are torn . My biological parents seem jealous of my time and attention to my adopted parents. And boy when my kids were little and it came to time with the grandkids, my biological parents didn't want them spending time with my adopted parents. My kids call grandpa and grandma my adopted parents and barely know my real parents.
And it is my adopted parents I have moved home to care for in their old age now.
So I know some of the internal conflict this can cause Kim.
I finally told myself I can only do what I can do . You can't be in two places at once.
Just do the best you can.
And thank God for the time you have with both of them.
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Post by gypho on Sept 24, 2008 22:15:04 GMT 9.5
I'm always thankful... always. And yes, you're right, there is conflict within the ranks. LOL
But there always was in the family, it's just the "type" of family they are. I was always SO different from them, I knew it, they knew it, everybody knew it. I was just "different".
I know why now, and I LOVE IT!!! LOL
But we still get along pretty well.... aside from the conflicts.
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Post by wvpeach1963 on Sept 24, 2008 22:50:41 GMT 9.5
I know exactly what you mean Kim . In my adopted family I have a sister who is in her 40's and has never been married and never had kids. Strangely enough she loves my children dearly and wants to be auntie. I mean she really wants to be auntie . She demands attention from my kids and tries to get their attention now as adults by showering them with expensive gifts. All the while insisting to people that she is a only child and that my parents have only one daughter. I get confused questions from people all the time . Saying I thought so and so were your parents? Yes I say. Well isn't so and so your sister they say? Yes I say , well I ran into her the other day and she said she was a only child.
She can't have it both ways. Myself and my children can't be the daughter and grandchildren of my adopted parents and then , my sister pick and choose and decide she wants the kids and not me. ..............and have a fit if I dare to take the kids to my biological parents for a visit .
But I try to ignore that. My sister is so picky she has no prospects of marriage , none of them are good enough she says but still has the dream of marrying and having children. She brought up a couple years ago some articles she had been reading about older ladies and the fertility advancements out there so they could have babies later in life. I made the mistake of suggesting to her perhaps she should think about adoption. ..................... Ooopps , she was mad as hell. I only said that because I know pregnancies in older ladies can be dangerous both for the mother and the baby. And she has some health problems to begin with. But she wants her own children so much , she took it as a affront. I meant since she wants to be a mother so much why wait for marriage , why not adopt now. She is working now and has a good job and I am sure would be a great mother. Why not adopt?
So understanding that I try to look over things she does. Understanding that its not the fact she doesn't love me. She does. She just has bouts of being really jealous that I have three children , the only grandchildren in the family and she may never have children that she wants so bad. .................... I have learned better than to mention adoption to her anymore.
I ignore her most of the time. But she did get under my skin recently at a funeral. My adopted moms dad had died. My adopted grandpa. I was very close to him as he lived with my mom during the last years of his life. And as a kid I was his tag along work buddy.
I was crying during the viewing and my sister leaned over and said to me why are you upset he wasn't your grandfather he was mine.
That was it. I ignored her during the funeral proceedings. But a week later I went to see her and gave her a piece of my mind. After thinking about it , it really bothered me and as hurt as I was at pops death. Her insensitive comment made my hurt all that much worse.
I went to make her understand that she had hurt me , and that I did not expect that to happen again. And to make sure she understands when our parents die I know she will be grieving , but she should understand so will I as will my children and comments like that won't be acceptable at my parents funerals if she wants to keep contact with me after their deaths.
Which I know she does. My sister is a perpetual student. Who has just been working a couple years . When my parents die she will need my and my kids support for lots of reasons and she should treat me just a little more considerately for that reason.
Anyway didn't mean to go on so long. But as you can see I have a lot to say about family relations in adopted families.
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