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Post by Cullyn Of Cerrmor on May 23, 2013 15:38:00 GMT 9.5
They said on the news that an "Adult Child" living at home costs parents $678 per week. WTF is an "Adult Child" ain't you one or the other not both. With housing hard to get I have heard that the average age people are leaving home is 35. So how much does a 25-30, or a 30-35, year old Adult Child cost their parents. Most people I know do now have $678 per week to spend on all their kids let alone one child no matter how old they are. P.S. If you are willing to let your kids free load off of you after they turn 18 then isn't that your own fault?
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Post by Willow on May 26, 2013 10:34:25 GMT 9.5
I voted for equality but I'm a hypocrit - currently BG doesn't pay any board or costs around the house but he does all his own cleaning, washing, etc. He isn't home for that many meals and if he is he's happy to eat whatever we do or he gets his own if he doesn't want what we're having (usually take away) He shares his beer with his Dad and cleans up the kitchen now and again.
And he's always happy to make a pot of tea!
At the end of this year, I'll probably start charging him board again, just letting him get back on his feet.
If I was struggling to pay the bills then I'd be a lot stricter.
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Post by Black Angel on Aug 17, 2013 11:31:08 GMT 9.5
Change the locks after they turn 18. I was out after I turned 18 and so was my brother. My kids will be as well unless they are willing to pay their share of the mortgage, bills, groceries and utilities, in addition to doing their share of chores and maintenance of the house.
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Post by Epi on Aug 17, 2013 11:59:39 GMT 9.5
They need to move out at some stage. I don't agree with 18, perhaps 25. Pay some board if they can afford it, however must always help with chores and gardening etc.
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Post by sharon on Aug 17, 2013 16:11:45 GMT 9.5
I have to agree with you Epi. Life is hard enough for people anyway, to force your children out at the age of 18 is wrong.
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Post by Black Angel on Aug 18, 2013 4:04:32 GMT 9.5
At 18, you can have sex, get, or have already gotten a driver's license, buy, direct and star in porn, have your own apartment, have already graduated high school, and some, graduate even sooner than that, and are halfway through college, vote, serve in the military, and buy, consume and sell alcohol in some countries, buy a house and own a business.. just to name a few.
18 isn't exactly a fetus, and keep in mind, that it is at 18, that you no longer need parental consent for anything, be it medical procedures or marriage, in some countries, it is even younger at 16. A person of 25, will have already accomplished most of those things (minus the porn) graduated college with an advanced degree, gotten established in their job or career and are on their way to getting ready for marriage and a family.
If a kid isn't ready to be on their own by the time they are 18, which is when they are considered an adult by the law, and most laws around the world, then it is the parent who has failed their child. Kids may have it rough these days, but coddled kids by parents too weak to let them go and make their own mistakes in life will have it even worse. If anything it is why we have ushered in a generation of lazy idiots on this planet in addition to those who lack personal responsibility and ambition.
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Post by sharon on Aug 18, 2013 5:43:28 GMT 9.5
I'm not disputing the fact that as you say at 18 they can do all that you have named. However, I do take exception about the bit where you say that the parent has failed the child. In an ideal world an 18 year old would be in a position to have a healthy bank balance, a house etc. Unfortunately, that isn't the real world.
I have a 16year old daughter and in September she will be starting a 2year college course, that makes her 18 when she finishes. Now I know for a fact that she wont have an income and with me being a single parent to her and her 9year old brother, there is absolutely no way that I have money to provide her with a home or car.
My daughter is aware of the fact that if she wants anything she will have to work hard and save hard.
Also, living in a country where people are living in poverty, what is wrong with an 18 year old staying at home with their parents? My kids are not mollycoddled in anyway, but I will sure as hell miss them when they leave home. Not because I cant or wont let go - believe it or not it means that I love them.
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Post by Epi on Aug 18, 2013 8:51:35 GMT 9.5
It is to do with my culture - I didn't have to leave home until I wanted to. A lot of my friends left home when they got married. As a single parent I am fortunate to have an income above average wage however I don't give my son whatever he wants and he is very understanding on this issue. He will be leaving high school at the end of next year and will then go to University for 3 or 4 years finishing study when he is 22 years old. I'm guessing he is looking at a tertiary education debt of around $24,000 at the end of his degree. He intends to work part-time while studying at Uni.
After working in his chosen profession for a couple of years he intends living in Europe so I think leaving home at around 24 or 25 will suit me just fine.
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Post by Black Angel on Aug 18, 2013 12:22:19 GMT 9.5
I probably should've mentioned that I was half joking when I mentioned the part about changing the locks, i would have put a smiley but the icons here mean something completely different, so i decided not to bother with them just in case the wrong icon showed up.. but I stand by the rest. And it wasn't that we were forced out, and I am sure that if my mom had her way, we would still be there until we got married, but as a single parent then, who worked 2 jobs, while attending college and taking care of my great-grandmother, she raised us to be independent, and truth be told, we planned on being on our own at 18, even of our mother wanted us there longer.
That didn't mean that she wouldn't still be there for us if the sh-t hit the fan, because she was, it meant that she wasn't going to offer us any help if we weren't going to help ourselves.
She knew that she raised strong, independent and very intelligent kids and if anything, that was why she had zero tolerance for laziness and b.s. because she knew that we could do anything we put our minds to. She was right, after I left, I had a job, my own apartment, put myself through college and graduated, took care of my great grandmother until her death, went back to school for an advanced degree in Computer Science, got married and am now planning my next steps in life with my husband. My brother moved to Syracuse, went to college, established a career in telecommunications and has been all over the world and he's now engaged and moving into a house with his fiancée. Our mom worked hard and was there for us when we needed her and we just want to make sure that we can be there for her when she needs us.
Granted, there are some kids that have to live at home when they are 18, just like there are some that have to live at home until they are 30+, married and end up raising their kids in the same house they grew up in because the parent and child have a co-dependent relationship that they can't get over and just expect everyone else on the outside to be ok with it. I am just grateful that my brother and I did not end up this way, and were able to take care of ourselves once we left home.
It is likely that we got our strength from our mother who got it from my great-grandmother.. and I am glad that we got our sense of values from them as well.
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Post by Epi on Aug 19, 2013 6:14:43 GMT 9.5
Both you and your brother have done well in life and your mother must be so proud. I am waiting in anticipation to hear about those next steps in your life.
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Post by Willow on Aug 19, 2013 20:25:20 GMT 9.5
Interesting discussion - following up on my reply from some months ago - now I'm in the position where the MOTH is living interstate and so I'm happy to have 24 yo at least coming and going even though we dont see much of each other Key issues are he does his own washing, cleaning, personal shopping, and helps me with wood chopping, bins etc Works for us
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Post by shoe on Sept 4, 2013 0:48:59 GMT 9.5
If the adult child is going to remain in the house (I'm for them making it on their own), they should have to pay a set fee per month and do a certain amount of chores... to just help out. I can't understand how an adult child would want to remain under his parents house rules. Time to grow up and be an adult!
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Post by Mrs Chips on Feb 15, 2014 11:12:47 GMT 9.5
To an extent i agree with what has been said but for an ordinary person with an average job it would be almost impossible to even get a house or flat to rent so where are they supposed to live. They should certainly pay their own way towards household expenses and certainly help with the chores but family is family and there should be no time line.
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Post by Willow on Feb 24, 2014 12:59:26 GMT 9.5
And my son is still at home LOL!
Since we decided to be largely vegetarian, he's started buying is own groceries as well now so he can make his lunches and eat what he wants when he is at home. So still no board (I havent asked him) but pretty much self sufficient
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Post by Epi on Feb 25, 2014 4:29:17 GMT 9.5
I'll keep that strategy in mind.
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