Post by Epi on Apr 6, 2011 19:32:58 GMT 9.5
Thanks BEG
NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children
one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up
and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat
belt!'
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader
handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions
expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents ..'
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup
out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her
4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to
talk to you right now, She's hitting the bottle.
MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found
himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into
shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy
watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever
seen a little boy before?'
POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at
an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old.
Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I
answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed
help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told
her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you
please tie my shoe?'
POLICE #2
It was the end of the day when I parked my
police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9
partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is
that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then
towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that
delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter
on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various
appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One
day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I
braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress
for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy,
you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, sweetie?' 'You know that it always gives you a
headache the next morning.'
DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of
his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his
collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a
dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured
a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the
disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the
appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he
thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the
Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'(I want this line used at my funeral!)
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first
week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't
read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He
was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something
fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw
was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children
one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up
and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat
belt!'
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader
handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions
expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents ..'
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup
out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her
4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to
talk to you right now, She's hitting the bottle.
MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found
himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into
shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy
watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever
seen a little boy before?'
POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at
an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old.
Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I
answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed
help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told
her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you
please tie my shoe?'
POLICE #2
It was the end of the day when I parked my
police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9
partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is
that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then
towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that
delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter
on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various
appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One
day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I
braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress
for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy,
you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, sweetie?' 'You know that it always gives you a
headache the next morning.'
DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of
his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his
collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a
dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured
a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the
disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the
appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he
thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the
Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'(I want this line used at my funeral!)
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first
week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't
read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He
was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something
fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw
was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'