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Dec 16, 2009, 9:39pm

A Global Village :: Members Lounge :: Comedy, Jokes, Pictures of Real Life. :: Universal truths

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Topic: Universal truths (Read 70 times)

Chips
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Dear Cats - A truce for Christmas.

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Universal truths
« Thread Started on Oct 28, 2009, 6:50am »

Universal truths

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!

22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

24) You never ever run out of salt.

25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard

32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

34) Bricks are horrible to carry.

35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

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"We are all visitors to this time, this place. We are just passing through. Our purpose here is to observe, to learn, to grow, to love... and then we return home."
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Paul
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Re: Universal truths
« Reply #1 on Oct 28, 2009, 3:20pm »

Shapening a pencil with a knife DOES make you feel manly.
Paul

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So we tanned his hide when he died Clyde and that's it hanging on the shed

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Re: Universal truths
« Reply #2 on Oct 28, 2009, 3:30pm »

That is so sad.

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browneyedgirl
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Re: Universal truths
« Reply #3 on Oct 28, 2009, 4:39pm »

At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

Why?

You never know where to look when eating a banana.

This is fun to do in front of guys.

Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

8-)

Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

8-)

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"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light within." - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Cullyn Of Cerrmor
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Re: Universal truths
« Reply #4 on Oct 28, 2009, 4:52pm »

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

I have, I used two packets of soup though

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

OK I will give you that one LOL

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

I don't remember that thing ever happening

24) You never ever run out of salt.

I have, several times

28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

An employee of the Timberlake Wire and Novelty Company, Albert J. Parkhouse of Jackson, Michigan has been credited with the invention.

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The two greatest mistakes in life are:
1. Taking life seriously when there is no need to,
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Chips
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Dear Cats - A truce for Christmas.

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Re: Universal truths
« Reply #5 on Nov 2, 2009, 8:14am »

Quote:

Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

I've made it in a mug and then poured it into a bowl to eat it.

8-)

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Adam
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Re: Universal truths
« Reply #6 on Nov 2, 2009, 4:06pm »

The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

*shudder* That brings back unwanted memories.

Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

I've never tried that... Yet.

« Last Edit: Nov 2, 2009, 4:07pm by Adam »

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"To believe with certainty we must begin with doubting."

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crystalfox
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Re: Universal truths
« Reply #7 on Dec 6, 2009, 10:07am »

the monkey didnt try to kill you it tried to eat your finger, it didnt want the peanut. anyway the sign said do not feed the monkeys, lol, you daft bugger. And dont correct me on my grammer otherwise you cant come for dinner anymore.

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Adam
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Re: Universal truths
« Reply #8 on Dec 14, 2009, 1:08am »

Dec 6, 2009, 10:07am, crystalfox wrote:

The monkey didn't try to kill you; it tried to eat your finger. It didn't want the peanut. Anyway, the sign read do not feed the monkeys lol, you daft bugger.

Don't correct me on my grammar, otherwise you can't come for dinner any more.

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"To believe with certainty we must begin with doubting."

Stanislaw Leszczynksi.
Elected Polish king 1704-1709, 1733-1734 (1677-1766).

Chips
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Dear Cats - A truce for Christmas.

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Location: Onkaparinga South Australia

Re: Universal truths
« Reply #9 on Dec 14, 2009, 3:14am »

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hal9000
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Re: Universal truths
« Reply #10 on Dec 14, 2009, 8:02am »

Most are funny, but I don't get this one:

Quote:

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

Is it supposed to say "Boobless"? Kind of like when you enter 07734 and look at it upside down and it says "hello"?

Someone help me! I just don't get it! [image]

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crystalfox
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Re: Universal truths
« Reply #11 on Dec 14, 2009, 10:05am »

yeah it is supposed to say boobless, i didnt know people thought of it back in the 80's coz i only heard about it in high school and that was in the new millenium.

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